I think it goes without saying, that when you are shopping for sex toys online, any reputable store will ship your items to you discreetly. Many will use alternative names on your credit card statements and on the return address of your package in an effort to keep the secret of your purchases.
But that is not enough for you. You want something really secret. You want something that you can bring with you to a dinner party or not worry about your kids finding it or maybe easily get through airport security without weird looks or creepy TSA touching your sex toys.
Discretion has a cost but it's worth it.
I have a number of discreet sex toys that I use from time to time and I have made it a point to test out all of the toys on this page, but every one of these toys has one major shortcoming: POWER.
This is the reality. If you want a toy that you can keep a secret from everyone around you or maybe hide in plain sight, the toy will need to be very small. No small sex toys will have anywhere near the power to rival their much bigger cousins.
All is not lost however, there are plenty of reasons to own these small discreet toys.
I travel a lot. I am not one to go many places without my toys, but I also do not want to get stopped by TSA with a 9 inch realistic dick vibrator while going through security with my kids. That does not sound like fun. So when I am flying, I either check my toys, or carry only some of these secret incognito options.
Beyond that, having or using these sex toys in public places is quite erotic. It's kinda like the rush from the risk of being caught or doing something daring without the risk of getting arrested for public nudity or something crazy like that. It's like being at one of those gatherings where you are obligated to be but would much rather be somewhere. While at this party you have some secret sex toys, whispering to your partner and building up to a wild evening when you finally get out of there.
This makeup packs a punch
As women, we always have a purse or bag and usually, we have plenty of makeup. So it is really easy to slip in a vibrator if it is disguised as makeup. There are a number of great options that fall into this category. Nobody will suspect a thing.
#1 The Lipstick Vibrator
Lipstick makes the perfect secret toy. Every woman has at least one lipstick in her purse, so putting a lipstick vibrator will never raise any flags. At only 3/4 of an inch in diameter and 3 1/4 inches long, it is completely discreet, but this also means it is a little limited in power. This vibrator only has one speed. But it is the idea as much as the function for me. Pro tip: Always pack 3 lipsticks. One for you, one that vibrates and a nice red one that gives good visuals should the opportunity arises for a quick BJ.
#2 Mascara Vibrator
If you want more than one speed, consider the vibrating mascara from Screaming O. This discreet sex toy has 3 speeds plus you can use this toy with the lid on like a classic hard/rigid vibrator or you can take the cap off and use the brush head for stimulation.
#3 Lash Curler Vibrator
The eyelash curler is available in 5 colors: black, white, purple, pink, and fuchsia.
#4 Compact Vibrator
Another discreet makeup option is the compact. But this is no ordinary compact. It includes a small bullet vibrator with 7 vibration patterns. It is fully waterproof for use in the shower, maybe the pool? This toy is available in pink and black.
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Hide & Play Compact$29.00
Other Disguised Sex Toys
#5 The Discreet Key Chain Vibrator
#6 Secret Necklace Vibrator
I love the Crave Vesper. This is a vibrator that doubles as a necklace. It can be worn visible or tucked in your shirt. The nice thing is if you wear it outside your shirt, the only people that will know what it is are other Crave owners, and who are they to judge? For a very small toy, it packs a lot of punch. It has 4 speeds and 2 modes and the outside can be plated in silver, 24K gold or rose gold (as shown on me). So this is truly a piece of jewelry. Additionally, you can have it engraved and personalized.
Unfortunately, I can not offer it to you on this website, but I can tell you where to get it because I think part of writing honest reviews is recommending the best and telling people to steer clear of the worst regardless of where it is sold.
#7 Rubber Duckie Vibrator
Sex toys but easier to hide
#8 Le Wand Mini Bullet
This mini bullet does not need to pretend to be anything else. It is just small, discreet and classic all on its own. This toy is waterproof and has 11 vibration modes and 4 levels of intensity. This is the most powerful of all the discreet toys on the list even at the small 3/4 inch diameter and only 3 inches long.
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Le Wand Bullet Rose Gold$85.00
#9 Ben Wa Balls
Ben Wa balls are about as discreet as you can get. You can use them fully inserted in the vagina and nobody will know the difference. Of course, ben wa balls are used for Kegel training, so getting to the point where you can wear them out around town could take a while. But Ben Wa balls can also be used during intercourse to give added stimulation to him and her. So if you can control them well enough to wear them out, it can double as both good exercises to tighten you up and as a little bit of foreplay and anticipation of the night to come.
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Ben-wa Balls: Hand-designed glass$25.00 – $28.00
#10 Vibrating Panties
The vibrating underwear. A classic kinky, discreet toy to bring a little something special to any boring social function.
It is a little more complicated than just going out and buying any vibrator you can find. There are a lot of them that are very “flawed” in my book. Some of them, for example, do not even have remote control operation. What is the point if your partner can't have control over it in public? Beyond that, sometimes they come built into underwear and so there are fit issues or they are made to secure to your own underwear but sometimes they securing flaps are too narrow unless you are wearing anything but a thong.
So I have narrowed it down to